Anonymous asked: Do you think long distance is worth it?
I did long distance for three and a half years (the final year on and off) and it is genuinely difficult to love someone yet not directly be a part of their life. I can’t say if something is “worth it” for a relationship because each relationship is very different and subjective.
For me, my long distance relationship felt worth it because there was a finish line — once I finished college, we lived in the same city. Generally speaking, people recommend entering into long distance relationships only if there is a sense of a “finish line,” but again, each case is different. Also, I never felt tempted to date other men because I was so in love with and connected to him. I had no problem “waiting” for him during each stint in New York. But, it’s difficult, and the relationship was filled with turbulence, both due to the distance and due to issues that flared up irrespective of our location.
If you’re going to go for it, there has to be trust, transparency, and a plan. We made time for phone dates, even coordinated seeing movies at the same time (sounds corny, but it was nice — when the movie was over, we could immediately talk about it!). We skyped a lot, and always had a trip coming up. There was always something to “look forward to” with each other. One difficulty, though, can be mistaking connection with the “honeymoon” feel of a long distance relationship in the sense that whenever you see each other for a few days or weeks at a time, you are so wrapped up in a passionate return and basically vacationing that you never get to experience what it’s like to really live together and lead normal lives with one another in the same city. It’s important to face that potential mindfuck and decipher if you’re in love with this person or with the thrill of the return.
Long distance relationships aren’t for the faint of heart but, if you feel the person is worth the challenge, wait and longing, go with your gut (and make sure they are on the same page as you). While I at times wish I could have experienced college as a single gal, I don’t regret my long distance relationship at all because I was deeply in love and valued my then-boyfriend. But it’s not for everyone.
Hope that helped a little. <3
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